I hereby declare that…
I’m no longer posting entries for my blog in the FS account.
Kenangan Terindah by Samsons (click here to set the right mood 
)
As I read my sis’s blog, the ever gorgeous and SMART Aida, I just realized that I have not blogged for 4 months! Where have I been? The problem is I know exactly the answer to that question and I can’t help but to be perturbed with the fact. I have always been here, nowhere, the very same place for the past 5 years… What am I up to? Nothing. Still here, in front of the same PC for the past 10 months. Still childless, not standing prettier in front of the mirror neither on the weighing scale…
But syukur. Syukur that I’m still alive. Syukur that I’m still someone’s wife. Syukur that my family’s still there for me. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
Over the past 4 months, the only major event that I can recall was my sister’s engagement held on July 4th (’I'm the lucky one’ entry). It was the simplest affair and great moments to remember us by. I pray only the best for these two, with hope that their engagement will last and their jodoh will come soon. Oh, and there was a stint on TV, a random luck I’d say.
And there was a brief trip to KK for my sis’s future SIL’s wedding. What a grandeur affair it was. But of all, I was more elated that I got to meet my parents, whom I miss so much.
Speaking of my parents; I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on them lately. Some are good and some are simply freaking me out but I just can’t help but to think of it. I have plans for my parents. I want to make them happy. They have sacrificed so much for my sisters and I, I can’t even say. They have brought us up in a way that all parents should have, at all costs and unconditional. And I, close to being 30, have not done a single thing to ensure that they’re able to live the life that they truly deserve after raising us. I’ve been thinking, will I be able to do so? Will that day ever come? So I keep on dreaming. Soothing my wrenched heart, that my time will come. Mak, bapak and my lovely sisters, please bear with me. Your big sister is trying hard to be someone that you can truly rely on.
And I’ve been thinking, should happiness is my sole pursuit, what if it takes so much time and my parents won’t be able to enjoy my harvest? What if one of these fine days, He’d call either one of them? I am not ready. Emotionally, mentally, basically my whole being as a daughter, I foresee how blacken my future wold be should I lost either one of them. Like a little child I constantly need their guidance and support, I look up to them for advice and their unconditional tender, love and care. Please, Ya Allah, grant me more years to be with them, to be able to show them how much I respect and love them…to be able to show to them that I can take care of them and I will, I promise. I love my parents more than anything in this world. They are my life and soul. And know this, mak and bapak, there hasn’t been a day that I didn’t include you in my prayers, you are the reason for me to move on.
On the topic of moving on, I’ve been tested again, to learn to forgive those who have wronged me. I have been defamed again for the things I didn’t do but just because for being me. And it gotten worse as this time around, my sis was dragged in. My patience was tested. But syukur it was ramadhan, if not, I’d have stormed to meet this psycho’s parents and explain to them how disturbing their daughter is and I’d have shown them the very same letter when the daughter claimed that they have mentally abused her when she was in school. What bothered me the most was they are actually married and as good khalifah the husbands should teach them a thing or two about spreading fitnah, but then again what would I know, could their unhappy married life lead them to spear people with their potty mouth? I don’t know. These are the people who warship Islam and these are the people who read Al Quran, still they think that they are way better than others. Astaghfigullahhalazim, may you repent…He has given you a lot, so learn to bersyukur. Although I have forgiven them, I hereby declare that I have no respect at all for these people especially you. I know you more than you could ever imagine (remember how much I want to drag you to court? I did my homework baby…). Right from your school history down to the foreign soil. From the ones you love to the ones you loathe. From the ones you adore to the one you’ve stabbed. All the lies you’ve been telling people about you and others, oh a plenty! I know YOU and sadly you know yourself. How pathetic that you have to resort to run away from the truth by deleting a friend? Sickening. Anyhow, I forgive you. As much as I’ve been deleted, so are you. Never in my life that you’re someone significant, bear that in mind. (I know you’re reading this as you are obsessed with me, if not you won’t be asking around about me eh?
You are a split-tongue serpent and have a hati bangkai to begin with, enough said. Busuk, busuk, busuk, busuk busuk, busuk, busuk hati and you know you are a busuk hati. Ok, enough.) I move on.
And, the paragraph above is the very reason I want to stop blogging. For the mean time that is. As I can’t fill up my Muslim being with hatred. I can’t have people judging me and my sisters for what we are not. I can’t afford to send the wrong signals. I want a platform that’s able to take me closer to my friends and family. I want to be able to share my pursuit of happiness with my family and friends without being perceived as conceited. I want to open a new chapter in life and leave painful memories behind (if any). I’m still here in cyberspace. Meet me on FB as Sabrina Mahili or on Twitter as rienamahili. My life’s not sugar-coated and what you see is what you get. When the time is right, I shall blog again.
Allow me to wish everyone a Blessed Ramadhan and Selamat Hari Raya.
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
I hereby declare that ‘A Late Bloomer’ is officially closed. It’s been a pleasure.
XOXO @>—- Drew. 
